Someone’s standing there in front of you, arms folded, tapping their foot, with a dreadful scowl etched on their face, telling you "I'm fine! I don't know what you're talking about! Everything's okay!" Do you believe them? Of course NOT! That’s why they say “A picture is worth a 1,000 words!”

Hello and welcome back to our continuing discussion about relationship management.

Give or take, about 85% of our communication is done with our body – head to toe.

True story: Quite often, when I was younger, people would ask me why I was mad. I’d say “I’m not mad, actually I’m in a great mood – what would give you that impression?” The answer never changed “you just look pissed off right now!" So, I decided to do an experiment. I put a very small mirror on my desk. Then, every once in a while, I‘d look into it as I was talking with someone. What I saw, didn’t match my mood at all. One thing was for sure, I didn't want people to think I was angry all the time! Who becomes happy and successful with that reputation? Just take a trip to your local DMV office to be reminded.

So, I had to start practicing making my facial features more pleasant and inviting. Don’t laugh! Course, I could only imagine what was going through people’s minds when they saw me during the practicing stage. “Man, is he having a seizure right now or maybe drunk?” The major hurdle for me was my teeth. They weren’t straight so I never smiled. Can’t put on a happy face with messed up teeth right? Well, you can, but I didn’t believe so at the time. Because sending the right message (happy and fun) was so important to me, I made a conscious decision to get braces in my early 30’s and other cosmetic work. I really wanted to smile and feel really good about it. After $8,000, 5 years and some minor pain, my teeth were straight! Guess what? It’s only been four years since that awesome day when I smiled and REALLY felt GREAT about it! Now, I smile all the time – especially when someone’s being rude to me

Since then, combined with my continuous attention to my body language, my reputation has changed incredibly for the better. So, to be successful, we MUST take responsibility for thinking consciously about OUR body language. It's about making a decision, that when you know you're in a bad mood, you're not going to place yourself in a situation where you have to negotiate something. Who wants to do a business deal with someone who's appears to be mad and defensive? I'm sure there are people you deal with regularly who constantly convey negative body language right? As a result, like I said before with vicious circles, nobody wants to be around them. Therefore, when people don't want to be around them, they become even more upset. Then, when they become even hotter, what do you think their chance for positive, life enriching, relationship building is? Seriously, it only takes a few nonchalant sarcastic eye rolls before somebody has visions of using your head in their kick boxing class! The question is: Are you this person? Be honest!

Here’s the truth of the matter - noticing and changing your ENTIRE body language isn’t going to be easy or happen overnight. You’re going to have to REALLY look inside yourself.  And, more importantly, ask those around you their (hopefully honest) opinions of how you’re being perceived.

Suggestion: What I started doing at first was attempting to mirror the other person’s body language. It tends to make people feel at ease and comfortable around you. However, don’t do it if they keep scratching places where they should be washing more!

The most important piece of advice I can share with you is when someone’s speaking - give them your UNDIVIDED attention! Coming from a guy who has super powers (ADHD) this is incredibly difficult. Because I can focus on ten things at once, I can listen to somebody talking while typing at the very same time and not miss a beat. Through education and practice, I’m now keenly aware I need to turn my chair around, and give them my full attention (body language) in order to make them feel validated and heard.

So, go get up off the place you find your brain sometimes and go to the store. Get one or two small pocket mirrors and place them where you can glance at yourself to make sure you never look like Betty White after a sour candy eating binge!

Remember: A picture is worth 1,000 words!

All my best to you and your family,

Christopher

PS: PLEASE – no hate mail about the Betty White comment! I love her too and think she’s awesome!