Hey Friend! I truly hope life is treating you as well as you are treating it!

As part of our ongoing series about relationships, today we’re here to discuss “expectations.”

Very recently, I've been focusing on "expectations" in a variety of areas in my life. Simply put, what I reaffirmed to be true is that most relationships, no matter where you go, are not successful because expectations were not properly aligned between the people involved.

Merriam-Webster defines “expectations as: The act or state of expecting : anticipation <in expectation of what would happen.”

• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Sadness
• Anger
• Hopeless

These are just some of the emotions we experience when our expectations are not met right? Or in other words, when what we anticipated to happen didn’t.

The funny thing about all of this is we get mad at those very people when this stuff happens. But, we have to ask ourselves "did I make my expectations clear to this person?" If the answer is no, then you have only yourself to blame.

Ohhhhh I can hear it now, "But Christopher, they should've known what I wanted!" Listen, I'm sorry I have to break the bad news to ya, but more often than not, that’s not going to be the case. Some people, mostly men (stereotype) are literal beings. Meaning, we have to be told exactly what’s expected otherwise that “romantic dinner” just might turn out to be take-out Chinese and the steamy pay-per-view channel on cable. Get my drift?

The most interesting thing about “expectations” I’ve found is people feel genuinely uncomfortable about honestly saying what it is they want. Whether it's people you work with, your loved ones, or friends, why is it that we feel uncomfortable openly saying what we want? You’ve heard me talk about "conditioning" before and I believe such is the case here. Perhaps we’ve asked and asked for lots of things in our lives but rarely got any of them. So, we simply become conditioned to quit asking so we don't get sad and disappointed anymore. And instead, we bank on the "let's wait and see what happens" mentality. Then, like I said, when we don't get it, we act out and fire-blast the other person for not meeting our expectations! Now I ask you: Is that REALLY fair to them?

So what do we do? Very recently, I decided to take responsibility for managing the expectations in my life. One important area I'm focusing on is with my staff at work. I've gone to them and asked the following questions:

"What are your expectations for yourself?
“What are your expectations for me?”
“What are your expectations for your team?”
“What are your expectations for the company?”

What I'm identifying is their expectations across the board for what they feel they deserve to get (emotionally and physically) while working there. So far, it's been a very enlightening experience. Because, when people are asked to define what it is they truly want, you find that some have serious difficulty describing it to you. For others, you find some expectations are COMPLETELY unrealistic. This is the pearl in the oyster since you now have a prime opportunity to align your expectations and theirs so the result is mutual agreement and satisfaction

So for you, my suggestion is to list out your expectations for each of the important relationships in your life. Then, take the initiative (YES – you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone on this one) and go talk honestly with those people. Also, my recommendation here is to apply the "seek first to understand, then to be understood" mind set. Perhaps say “Our relationship is very important to me and I want to know, honestly, what your expectations are.”

Managing and changing expectations isn't going to happen overnight either. This takes guts, the ability to be truthful, and a whole lotta patience. What do I mean by that? Well, if you haven't talked about your expectations openly with those closest to you, you just may find they aren’t aligned in the slightest. Then, you’re faced with the reality of having to talk about the now exposed elephant in the room.

Sadly, many of us take for granted that everything will be just fine. That is, until the last straw, weighing a gazillion pounds, causes the poor camel’s back to finally break.

How many marriages wind up in divorce because the two people didn’t discuss their expectations for each other?

How many friendships have ended for stupid reasons because the people didn't talk about their expectations?

How many people have been fired or quit their job because they didn’t talk about their expectations?

Just so I’m practicing what I preach here - Let me make my expectations clear to you. That you will take this advice and apply it to your life. That you will ask me for advice if you need it. And lastly, my expectation for you is to live your life as fully and as healthy as possible!!!

All my best to you and those you care about the most,

Christopher

PS: I always look forward to hearing your feedback (positive and constructive) about these blog postings. Too long - too short? Not frequent enough - too frequent? My expectation is you'll let me know what YOU expect