Thank you for the incredible feedback last week about looking forward to this series on relationships! Chefs really understand when they’re creating a masterpiece in the kitchen that it takes the right ingredients in the correct amount right? Same goes for having truly incredible relationships.

So, this week the ingredient we’re throwing in the relationship pot is communication. EVERYONE communicates - it’s just whether or not we suck at it that counts. Well, if you aren’t so good at it now, I can offer in a few weeks, if you practice what I’m sharing, you’ll DEFINITELY improve. 

Simply put, communication is the sender taking their thoughts and feelings and encoding them into a message in hopes you’ll understand them better. That encoding is their vocal tone, word usage, body language, and emotion. The receiver’s job is to accurately (key word) decode all of those signals within the message and apply it to the situation. Seems so simple right? Well, tell me any of these sound familiar:

"Did you hear a thing I said?"

"Were you listening to me?"

"Would you just look at me while I'm talking to you!"

"I'm sick and tired of having to repeat myself"

"How many times have I told you…"

There are a ton of reasons or excuses for crappy communication. Sometimes we’re in a hurry and we expect the other person just to put it all together and magically “get it.” Other times we don't really care about anything or anyone but ourselves right? That, if they didn't get it, they should've asked us more questions right?

Here are some easy, but extremely beneficial questions to ask yourself as you’re formulating your thoughts to speak:

What's my attitude right now?

What's THEIR attitude?

What conditioning processes have they gone through up until this point that might effect how this message comes across?

Will this really matter in five minutes or five years?

What do I really hope to gain by what I want to say?

Am I going to say it in a way that the person will understand and appeal to them?

This next question, "Is now a good time to talk?" I’m sure has helped save a few relationships from the frying pan of life. When you use it, the other person keys in that this might be a serious conversation and will let you know if now is NOT a good time to talk. I mean, haven’t you ever wanted to say “Listen pal, now is not the best time for your…”? However, often we don’t say anything – we just clench our fists grit our teeth.

Next time, just say "I'd really like to talk with you but now's not a good time. How about later?" This way you don't take any chances of reacting to a situation using language usually found in Andrew Dice Clay’s comedy act (wink!).

Like dessert, I’ve saved the very best for last. Recently, I’ve learned to ask myself "what's in it for them?" before I say something. If there is nothing in it for them, and they didn't ask me about it, I know to keep my trap shut! Instead, I use that as my slap on the wrist to remind me I should be listening more and thinking less! Remember, we just want to be listened to J

For all my numbers people out there:

Think before you speak + Listen more than you talk = Positive relationships!

Master Motivator signing out J

PS: always be very careful when whispering in front of a live microphone J